My extensive career within television led me down the road of TV drama
rather than novels. I've got various finished drama scripts, along with some sit coms that are (as they say) ' in development'.
Included are;
Gimps Glimpse. (This next bit has to be read in a very deep voice); A woman with an extra-special power and the relentless investigator determined to get to the bottom of her secret while she attempts to prise herself away from the clutches of the world's most boring man without falling asleep.
Civil, the dopey doings of the Lanzarote Guardia Civil, the crew with the world's cushiest job.
I Sh*t My Pants Mate, about a gang of Eastern European workers in the UK .
Amongst my finished full length scripts is Death Of A Pirate, a 90 minute television drama that I wrote with the financial support of the Arts Council's Northern Production Fund.
Drawing on extensive interviews I did with the surviving participants of this true story, it
was based on the frantic and colourful life and subsequent violent death of 1960's
pirate radio entrepreneur Reg Calvert whose Radio City station commandeered
an old army fort in the Thames Estuary. Calvert also managed and promoted
lots of pop bands including The Fortunes and Pinkerton's Assorted Colours.
The following is a short extract and Copyright Ian Penman 2012
DEATH OF A PIRATE
SET UP
A buy-out of Radio City by fellow pirate radio pioneer MAJOR OLIVER SMEDLEY and his Project Atlanta associate, impresario KITTY BLACK has collapsed. The proposed alternative amalgamation of City with rival Radio London, has led Smedley to take matters into his own hands. Late one night, using the excuse of retrieving a radio transmitter loaned to REG CALVERT, Smedley heads the eight miles seawards towards the fort.
84 EXT THE DECK OF THE VANQUISHER TUG, THE THAMES ESTUARY/NIGHT
CAPTION 1 am, Monday 20 June 1966
In the background we see ten dockers playing cards, as Smedley and Kitty
brief their leader, the 17 stone " Big Alf" Bullen.
SMEDLEY
...... don't know we're coming. Or most of them don't anyway. Which reminds
me......
Smedley moves to the bow of the tug. He picks up a torch and begins
flashing it off and on. In the foggy distance, we can see the Radio City fort.
85 INT RADIO CITY
A shadowy figure is looking out of the window, observing the flashing. He moves to
the entrance hatch and unfastens the bolts.
86 EXT RADIO CITY FORT--SEA LEVEL/NIGHT
 |
| Radio City, Shivering Sands, Thames Estuary |
some of his men up the ladder, while others use grappling hooks. One helps
Kitty up. Smedley follows her. The mate from the tug brings up the rear.
They reach the hatch, which Alf is able to open with a push.
87 INT RADIO CITY CONTROL ROOM
We see the hatch burst open and Alf comes through, followed by the rest of
the party. As the invaders get their bearings, Phil Perkins hurtles into the
room, followed much more cautiously by Paul Elvey. Both are in pyjamas, with jumpers over the top.
PHIL (angrily)
Who the shit are you guys?
PAUL
Just cool it Phil! Let's see what they want.
SMEDLEY
We're here to take control of the fort. Nobody wants any trouble!
Big Alf and his men move forward slightly, arms folded to emphasise the
point.
PHIL
Who sent you? Roy Bates again?
PAUL
No, not Bates, Phil.
SMEDLEY
I'm Oliver Smedley and this is Kitty Black. From Project Atlanta.
PHIL
Ah! The famous transmitter! Why don't you just take it and piss off! We've
been tripping over it for the last six months, along with all the other bust gear!
PAUL
Leave it Phil!
PHIL
OK. (shrugs)Anyone fancy a cup of tea, then?
KITTY
No, please, let me! But first, dear boy, would you mind giving me your
transmitter crystals? They do dissolve in hot water, don't they?
PAUL
I'll do it.
KITTY
Fine. I'll get on with the tea then.
 |
| Kitty Black and Major Oliver Smedley |
Followed by the mate from the tug, Kitty heads to the galley and begins to
prepare the tea. Paul then comes in carrying a small bakerlite plug-like object
about two inches square.
PAUL
One transmitter crystal.
Kitty takes the crystal and puts it in her handbag. She looks at Paul, with a
glimmering of recognition that neither will otherwise acknowledge. Paul walks
back to the main group. He hands Phil a cup of tea. Kitty then brings a tray
through for everyone else.
SMEDLEY
Thanks Kitty. Alf, could you and five of your boys come with me please?
88 INT; RADIO CITY DJ's QUARTERS
Mattresses are strewn about the floor of a rusty, squalid octagonal room.
Asleep on the mattresses are five young men, DJ's IAN MAC RAE, ALAN CLARK and PETER DOLPHIN, engineer Ian West and cook Leslie Dunn. They are covered
in a rag-bag collection of sheets and blankets. A torch beam can be seen
searching for the light switch. On it's location, Smedley turns on the light.
Behind him can be seen Alf and five of his riggers. The sleepers blink
themselves awake.
SMEDLEY
Can I have your attention gentlemen please? My name is Oliver Smedley and
I'm now in command. To assist me in this, Mr Alf Bullen and five of his
associates.
ALF
Wotcha!
SMEDLEY
In case any of you are thinking about any heroics, I need to tell you that five
more of Mr Bullen's colleagues are enjoying tea and biscuits in the control
room. So, please, be sensible.
ALAN CLARK
Why are you doing this?
SMEDLEY
Radio City must stay off air until your boss, Mr Calvert and I settle an
outstanding business dispute.
IAN MAC RAE
You'll be doing well if you get one up on Reg!
SMEDLEY
We'll see. If you'd care to accompany us to the control room?
The DJs stumble their way to the exit, following the raiders. The party then,
gingerly make their way along the exterior catwalks. It is still pitch black)
89 EXT THE CATWALKS, RADIO CITY/NIGHT
ALAN CLARK
Well, bugger me! I fancied some time off but I didn't reckon on spending it
with a dozen dockers! (quietly, whispering to Ian Mac Rae) We've got
spare crystals, don't we, Ian?
IAN MAC RAE (also whispering)
Yeah. They're in the stock room. Reg'll sort it out! Won't he, Alan? (back to
normal voice) Hey Peter! First time on radio and you get taken hostage!
Do you think that a career in broadcasting maybe isn't the best idea you've
ever had?
PETER DOLPHIN
It's a great story! We'll be famous! I've brought my camera!
IAN MAC RAE (to Alan Clark)
Right. Is he all there or what? Is the short wave working?
 |
| Radio City DJ's Ian Mac Rae, Paul Elvey, Peter Dolphin, Phil Perkins and Tom Edwards talking to Det. Supt George Brown after the takeover of the fort. |
ALAN CLARK
Yeah, I think so. We're going to have to be careful, though. These guys don't
look big in the sense of humour department!
90 INT THE RADIO CITY CONTROL ROOM
Smedley, Kitty and the mate from the tug prepare to leave. Big Alf and his
men are starting to unpack kit bags full of provisions. The Radio City crew are
standing around, bemused.
KITTY
Well boys, places to go, people to negotiate with. And don't forget, we'll have
our radios tuned to 299 and expect to hear the sounds of silence. OK Oliver?
SMEDLEY
Yes. (To Alf) We'll send the supply boat out with more provisions. Make
sure nobody goes near the transmitters.
Kitty, Smedley and the mate leave.
91 EXT; OUTSIDE PHILLIP BIRCH'S COUNTRY HOME, THE KENT COAST/DAY
CAPTION; The home of Phillip Birch, Kent. 8.30 pm Monday 20 June 1966
Phillip Birch is kissing his wife and two young children goodbye as he
prepares to drive to the Radio London office.
Smedley and Kitty, still wearing the clothes from the raid on the fort pull up in Smedley's Mercedes. They quickly get out of the car and confront Birch.
MRS BIRCH
I think you've got visitors Phil!
SMEDLEY
I'm now in command of Radio City. Any negotiations regarding either a tie up
with Radio London, or the launching of a new station should be conducted via
me.
PHILLIP
What? Reg Calvert runs Radio City, not you!
KITTY
Last night, Oliver and I invited a dozen very butch riggers along, to Calvert's
fort. They liked it so much they decided to stay there!
SMEDLEY
My men have been told to keep City off the air.
PHILLIP
You can't be doing this!
SMEDLEY
Can't I? I'm in command now. So, you negotiate with me. 11.30, my office.
92 INT PROJECT ATLANTA/ SMEDLEYS OFFICE
CAPTION: Project Altlanta 11.30 Monday 20 June 1966
Seated are Phillip Birch, Smedley, Kitty, fellow Project Atlanta shareholders
HORACE LEGGETT and Captain Sandy Horsley. Smedley and Kitty are
now dressed in more conventional business wear.
SMEDLEY
Thank you all for coming. And apologies to you, Phillip, for the rather
unconventional way of telling you about this meeting.
PHILLIP
It shouldn't be me you're apologising to, Oliver. I've let Reg Calvert know
about this meeting.
SMEDLEY
Well, we better get on then. Kitty Black, Horace Leggett and Sandy Horsley
are my fellow Project Atlanta shareholders.
PHILLIP
What sort of authority do you have for a stunt like this?
SMEDLEY
During the City-Caroline link-up last year, I gave Reg Calvert a transmitter.
The amalgamation of City with London puts this transmitter in jeopardy.
PHILLIP
This isn't about recovering your property, is it Oliver? .What do you do for an
encore? Start an all out pirate radio war? Radio London would not, under
any circumstances, be interested in joining up with you!
 |
| Reg Calvert, with Radio City and Radio London personel preparing to go out to the fort, early June 1966 |
At this point we hear a commotion in the outer office. Reg has arrived!
REG (off)
Smedley! Where is he!
PAMELA (off)
Please, Mr Calvert! He's in a meeting!
REG
In here, is it? Right!
An agitated Reg hurtles into the room. He's sweating, and his face is white
with rage. Pamela Thorburn follows immediately after. All the assembled look
in astonishment)
 |
| Reg Calvert in the Radio City studio |
REG
Smedley!
PAMELA
Mr Calvert....
SMEDLEY
It's all right Pamela. Leave this to me. Please join us Reg. We were expecting
you.
Pamela leaves. Reg sits down next to Phillip Birch.
REG
Can I say, Oliver, you've gone to a lot of trouble over a bust transmitter! All
you had to do was come and get it!
SMEDLEY
Shall we get on with it? I'll remove the boarders and restore your transmitter
crystals for £5,000 in cash and 50% of the profits from the new station.
PHILLIP
This is blackmail! Reg and I have already agreed terms and my deal is with
him, not you.
REG
You don't expect me to agree either, do you Smedley? You've got your bully
boys and I've got mine. Twenty years in dance halls has given me quite a
team. I'll be playing this my way!
Reg produces his pen gas-gun from his pocket, and begins to toy with it.
 |
| Reg Calvert being winched aboad Radio City |
See this? This is a gas gun. All my lads carry these. Shoots a small ammonia
cartridge. Just enough to stop anyone who gets in the way. You're a military
man, Major. You appreciate how important hardware can be.
SMEDLEY
Well, I....
REG (Getting more and more agitated)
I'm actually something of a chemist, you know. A bit of an expert in
explosives and toxins. I've discovered a nerve gas. Could drop it on to Radio
City from a plane and exterminate your thugs. They'll be screaming to come
off!
HORACE LEGGETT
Calm down Mr Calvert! Nobody wants anyone to get hurt!
REG (banging table)
Your Chairman ought to have thought about that before taking me on! You
want war, Smedley? You've got it!
Reg gets up and storms out of the room. There is a stunned silence.
KITTY
What a surprise, Oliver! He didn't go along with your very generous offer!
SMEDLEY
That's the caliber of the man you're dealing with here, Phillip! He's a raving
lunatic!
PHILLIP
I'm getting a very bad feeling about all of this, Oliver! I want no more to do
with either it or you!
Phillip gets up and leaves.
SMEDLEY
We need to watch this. Calvert is dangerous!
ENDS
Writing for soap opera is, in my opinion, an underrated skill. Unlike coming up
with a script for, say, Lewis where there's only four recurring characters, soap
operas have dozens of regulars that writers have to be able to conjure up
consistent and convincing dialogue for. I've watched Coronation Street for years
and felt that I could probably do that. The then-Executive Producer of the programme had seen and liked my Death
Of A Pirate script, knew of my interest and suggested I have a go at something
for Coronation Street using their characters.
I found I was able to write in the "voices" of the characters and ultimately
came up with a few dozen storyline ideas and five trial script sequences. I was
invited down to Granada Television to take part in a storyliners workshop, got
to walk down the actual Street itself (much smaller than it looks on television!
The programme is very artfully shot!) and had a very stimulating day, working
with the show's producer and senior storyliner.
Nothing eventually came of it, but I enjoyed my visit, enjoyed playing with some
iconic soap opera characters and like to think that most of my trial scripts stand
up; The following is an extract from one of them and is presented here for
promotional and illustrative purposes only.
(The characters of Tracy Barlow, Amy Barlow, Steve McDonald, Wally Bannister
Ciaran Mcarthy, Fizz Stape, Tyrone Dobbs and Kirk Sutherland are copyright
Granada Television 2011.
The characters of Marsha Martin, 'DNA' Arthurs, David Speigle, Ronnie Stubbs,
Rick Stubbs and Bonnie Baker are copyright Ian Penman 2011. But Granada are
welcome to use them if they like.....)
SET UP
The newly released from prison TRACY BARLOW has seen WALLY
BANNISTER, a geriatric con-man that she 'stole' off her grandmother Blanche
because she believed he was a millionaire. Wally seems to be the father of
CHRISTOPHER, the twelve year old son of MARSHA MARTIN, a waitress in
her early 40's. This contradicts Wally's telling Tracy at the time that he was
sterile.
Marsha introduces Tracy to DOMINIC 'DNA' ARTHURS, a nerdy technician in a local
clinic who offers to do a free DNA test on AMY, the daughter that until now Tracy
thought had been fathered by STEVE MCDONALD.
Enlisting the help of CIARAN MCARTHY and then KIRK SUTHERLAND Tracy
obtains cigarette butts from both Steve and Wally so that Dominic can do
a paternity test..........
16) INT-THE DNAGENCY CLINIC-DAY
MELANIE -a snooty receptionist- sits behind a desk in an up-market looking
medical centre. Tracy and Amy come through the door
TRACY
Tracy Barlow. I've got an appointment at 12.
MELANIE (RECEPTIONIST)
I've no-one of that name down....
DOMINIC (entering)
It's OK Melanie, I'll take it from here. Hi Tracy. Just bring Amy through and
we'll do the mouth swabs. I'll pick up the paternal samples in a minute.
TRACY
Fine.
 |
| Tracy Barlow, as played by Kate Ford |
Dominic shows Tracy and Amy into a small laboratory and then exits. Tracy sits
down and opens her bag. We see the two plastic bags, which she takes out.
Neither one has a label on! Tracy is horrified! She rummages around in her bag
and sure enough, there's two loose labels, one marked STEVE, the other
WALLY She pulls out her mobile phone and rings Kirk.
TRACY
Kirk! It's Tracy! What type of cigarettes was Wally smoking?
Kirk is at home, watching daytime television.
KIRK
I dunno. I don't know anything about cigarettes. They're bad for you!
TRACY
What colour filter did they have on the end?
KIRK
Gold. Or it could have been white. Or like a creamy colour. Or....
Tracy puts the phone down as Dominic (wearing surgical gloves) returns
DOMINIC
If you could let me have the paternal samples, Tracy....
TRACY
Give me a mo, will you.....?
Tracy turns so Dominic can't see what she's doing. She looks in her bag and
scrutinises the two loose labels and the plastic bags. She agonises, then sticks the
labels back on the bags. She's guessing! After a couple of seconds she gives
them to Dominic.
DOMINIC
Ta! Getting the swabs from you and Amy won't take a sec.
Dominic swabs the inside of Tracy's mouth with a cotton bud, puts it into a
sealed plastic bag and then does the same with Amy.
DOMINIC
There we are. Didn't hurt a bit!
TRACY
How long before I get the results?
DOMINIC
I've got nothing this afternoon, so I can see you-er- at Marsha's cafe at about 4.
17) INT-THE RENDEZVOUS CAFE-DAY
Marsha is behind the counter. Tracy comes in with Amy and sits at a table.
Marsha joins her.
MARSHA
How's things?
TRACY
Pretty good. If you count maybe changing your life with two cotton buds and a
couple of dog ends as good.
MARSHA
But at least you'll .....
Dominic comes in and sits down at the table
MARSHA
I'll leave you two alone. (To Amy) Come on love, I've got some of Chris's old
colouring books for you to have a go at.
She takes Amy with her behind the counter and produces the colouring books,
which Amy starts to draw in.
 |
| Tracy Ann Oberman would probably have worked as Marsha |
DOMINIC
Before we do anything here, do you definitely want to know? I can-er- just
destroy the results, if you want.
TRACY
I don't know! For once in my life, I just don't know what to do!
DOMINIC
Tell you what.
He pulls out an envelope and a cigarette lighter and pulls a saucer towards him.
He holds the envelope over the saucer and holds the unlit lighter at the bottom
of the envelope.
Results. Cigarette lighter. I saw this in a film once. I'm going to count to five
and unless you stop me, I'll set fire to the envelope.
TRACY
Right.
DOMINIC
1
Beat
2
Beat
3
Beat
4
Beat
5
Beat
Tracy has said nothing but is clearly agonising over what to do
DOMINIC
Fair enough.
He ignites the lighter and moves it towards the corner of the envelope. He
holds it under the envelope and it catches fire. After two seconds, Tracy snatches
the blazing envelope and slaps it down on the table, putting the flames out with
her hands.
MARSHA (from behind the counter)
Everything OK?
TRACY
I'll never know unless I look!
She rips the charred envelope open, pulls out the paper and stares at it, taking
in the information.
18) INT-THE ROVERS-DAY
Ciaran is behind the bar. Kirk is in a snug with Fizz and Tyrone (who is wearing
a baseball cap). Wally comes in and marches purposefully up to the bar.
WALLY
Where is she then?
CIARAN
Who? Princess Anne? Kylie Minogue? The cat's mother?
 |
| Wally Bannister, played by Bernard Cribbins |
You know exactly who I mean, Val Doonican! That scheming little witch!
CIARAN
"Scheming little witch", no, I don't know anyone of....
WALLY
Tracy Barlow!
CIARAN
Oh that scheming little witch! No, not seen her
WALLY
You're in cahoots with her, aren't you?
CIARAN
I just serve her drinks when she comes in. Can I get you anything?
WALLY
I may as well. A pint of bitter.
CIARAN
Coming up.
Over in the snug, Kirk has spotted Wally and is trying to hide himself. He puts
his hand up to cover the side of his face.
FIZZ
What's the matter Kirky?
KIRK
I'm just feeling a little peaky.
TYRONE
Aww, didums!
FIZZ
Too much ale!
KIRK
I think it's something going around!
 |
| Kirk Sutherland, played by Andrew Whyment |
TYRONE
What, like a rumour?
KIRK
No, you know, like there's that thing you get from birds?
TYRONE
Eggs?
FIZZ
Avian flu.
KIRK
I think I've got something like that.
TYRONE (moving away from Kirk)
Erkk! I hope it's not catching
Kirk shrinks down in his seat, as Wally idlely looks in his direction. He doesn't
see Kirk and turns to face the bar again and is chatting to Ciaran in a much
more friendly way than before.
KIRK
I've got to go to the lavvy. Give us that!
Kirk snatches the baseball cap from Tyrone's head and puts it on, pulled down
as far as it'll go.
TYRONE
Oi!
KIRK
It's me head. I need to cover it up in case I.....
FIZZ
Pass on the lurgy to me and Tyrone?
KIRK
That's it. Back in a minute.
Kirk gets up and goes to the toilet. He squeezes past Wally, doing his best to
make sure Wally doesn't see his face.
19) INT-THE RENDEZVOUS CAFE-DAY
Tracy is devastated. The charred result sheet is in front of her
TRACY
Wally Bannister. My beautiful baby is the daughter of an old creep! He's older
than her great-grandmother was when she died! Are you sure??!
DOMINIC
Based on the DNA I took from you and Amy and the paternal samples you
provided, there's only a 50 million to one chance that anybody else could be
Amy's father.
TRACY
Well, that's it then, isn't it? My life is even more ruined than it was before! Sorry
Dominic, I've got to get out of here!
DOMINIC
I'll give you these back.
He hands her the two two plastic bags with the cigarette ends from Steve and
Wally in. Tracy stuffs them in her bag, grabs Amy and rushes out of the door,
crying. Marsha comes over to the table and sits down
DOMINIC
Poor kid.
MARSHA (smiling)
I
t's my big day tomorrow. But you'll make it all right, won't you Dom?
DOMINIC
Me, Tracy and Amy. Course, I'll need a cup of tea. And possibly a scone. And
.......... your body...?
 |
| Seymour Mace would make a good 'DNA' Arthurs |
20) EXT-ROVERS/ CORONATION STREET-DAY
Tracy and Amy are walking along the street towards The Rovers. Tracy is
gobsmacked by the revelations and in a total world of her own. Outside of the
Rovers she bumps into Steve.
STEVE
All right? And are you all right, sweetheart? Becky's got your tea ready. Tracy??
TRACY
Sorry Steve, I was miles away.
STEVE
Come in for a drink.
TRACY
No, it's OK.
STEVE
I was thinking about taking Amy for a drive on Sunday. Blackpool or Morcambe
or somewhere. You can come if you want. You'd like that, wouldn't you darling?
Build sandcastles.
 |
| Steve McDonald, as played by Simon Gregson |
AMY
Yea! Blackpool, please daddy!
TRACY
H'mm. Right. Yes. I mean, no, I mean I've got to..... Sorry Steve...
STEVE
This is like in the cab yesterday. Something's up!
TRACY
Oh, it's much worse than yesterday.
STEVE
Amy's all right. You and her are......
TRACY
Amy's fine. Physically fine, anyway.
STEVE
What's that supposed to mean?
TRACY
You do love her, don't you Steve?
STEVE
Of course I do!
TRACY
But what if there was something that could change that?
STEVE
What's going to make me stop loving my own daughter? She and Becky get on
great.......
TRACY
I'm not bothered about Becky. Not at the moment. What if Amy....
A drunken Wally comes out of the Rovers, almost knocking Tracy over.
TRACY
Wally!
WALLY
And what do we have here? Cruella de Ville! And who's this, the third stooge?
Got a kid now, have you? Has she got 666 on the back of her neck?!
STEVE
Hey pal. Watch it!
WALLY
You watch it! Particularly with her! She's poison! No money-grabbing tart gets
one over on old Wally, though! Not you and not that waitress! Stay away from
me Tracy!
TRACY
I wouldn't come near you if you were the last man on earth. Not that there's
much chance of that. You must be close to pegging it by now!
WALLY
Why don't you take your brat and just...........
STEVE
I really think it's time for you to stop now.
WALLY
Too right. You won't catch me within 100 miles of this harpy or her munchkin.
Wally staggers off
STEVE
If he hadn't been an old duffer I'd have lamped him! Who is he?
TRACY
Oh, just an old flame of my nans. I showed her he was only after her money. He
never liked me....
STEVE
Obviously. So what was it you were going to tell me about Amy?
TRACY
Nothing. I'll bring her back in a few minutes..
Steve moves to go into the Rovers, just as Kirk is coming out.
STEVE
Mate.
KIRK
All right Steve.
Steve goes into The Rovers
KIRK
Tracy!
TRACY
Not now Kirk.
KIRK
But I've got another clue!
TRACY
Look Kirk, I'm not in the mood...
 |
| Kate Ford strutting Tracy's funky stuff |
KIRK
It's important!
TRACY
Send me an e-mail.
Kirk looks puzzled
KIRK
No, look!
From under his jacket Kirk pulls out an ashtray with five dog ends in.
KIRK
That Wally bloke was in the Rovers! This is the ashtray he was using!
Tracy's eyes light up. She takes the two sample plastic bags from her bag and
holds the one marked "Wally" next to the ashtray. The dogends don't match! She
holds the bag marked "Steve" next to the ashtray and they do!
TRACY
These are definitely Wally's?
KIRK
Yes, same as yesterday, with that little gold band. Ciaran gave him a clean
ashtray when he went outside. I nipped out and pinched it when I saw him go to
the toilet!
TRACY
Kirk, I could kiss you! In fact, I will!
Tracy kisses Kirk passionately, just as Fizz is coming out of the Rovers.
TRACY
Thanks Kirk, I'll never forget this! Oh, take that back to Rovers for me will
you?
Tracy hands Fizz the ashtray and she and Amy go into The Barlows.
FIZZ
Don't even try and explain what that was about........
KIRK
I pinched this old blokes dog ends for her! She's never going to forget me!
FIZZ
You know Kirk, sometimes I think you ought to come with an instruction book!
21) INT-THE DNAGENCY-DAY
Wally comes through the door into reception.
WALLY
Mr-er-Wrail, I'm here for my test results.
MELANIE
Certainly, Mr Wrail. Take a seat and I'll let Mr Spielge know you're here.
Marsha then enters into reception
MARSHA
Marsha Martin. I'm here for-oh he's here already.
MELANIE
Certainly Miss Martin. I'll let Mr Speigle know.
Marsha sits next to Wally
MARSHA
Well Wally, this is when you find out for sure what I already know.
WALLY
Certainly is, love!
MARSHA
Lot of 30 quids before Christopher is 18!
WALLY
No, no. We're here because I reckon you've been playing me for a sucker these
last twelve years! I'm not the lad's dad! I don't even look like him!
]MELANIE
Mr Wrail, Miss Martin? Mr Spiegle can see you now.
22) INT-DAVID SPIEGLE'S OFFICE-DAY
DAVID SPIEGLE(doctor-ish, in a white coat. He's one of the former biology
lecturers who founded the company and is Dominic's boss) is sitting behind a
desk. Marsha and Wally are in front of him.
SPIEGLE
Mr Wrail, Miss Martin. I've got the results here. They're conclusive.
WALLY
Just get on with it, will you?
SPIEGLE
Certainly. Based on the DNA samples we took; Mr Wrail, there is only one
chance in 50 million that you are Christopher Martin's father! Miss Martin, you
are definitely the mother.
WALLY
Yes!
MARSHA
What! It can't be.....
SPEIGLE
No, it's definite. I analysed the results myself. You're welcome to look at the
printouts or take them away for a second opinion.
WALLY
Thank you, thank you!
SPIEGLE
Melanie has your account, if you can pay her on the way out.
WALLY
My pleasure.
23) INT-RECEPTION, DNAGENCY-DAY
In the background a jubilant Wally is writing a check and giving it to Melanie.
In a corner, Marsha is interrogating Dominic.
WALLY
One for you. And one for you....oh no Marsha. Not one for you. Your cheque isn't
in the post!
A triumphant Wally leaves
MARSHA
You! Einstein! What happened?
DOMINIC
I did what we agreed! I swopped Tracy and Amy's samples for you and
Christopher!
MARSHA
But Amy's paternal line didn't match Wally! You said it was certain that
Bannister was the father of Tracy's kid!
DOMINIC
Based on the Wally samples Tracy gave me he is!
MARSHA
Just stick to test tubes in future you dozy pillock!
24) EXT-THE RED REC-DAY
Tracy is playing with Amy when she sees Marsha and Christopher. She goes up
to them.
TRACY
No Wally today, then?
MARSHA
I don't think I'll be seeing Wally again.
TRACY
But he'll want to see Christopher, won't he?
MARSHA
Not after finding out he's not his!
TRACY
You knew all the time, didn't you?
MARSHA
Course I did! Not too bad. Twelve years buckshee maintenance for gritting my
teeth and bearing it a couple of times! Fancy a cup of tea.....?
25) PICADILLY STATION, MANCHESTER. DAY. EXT
An edgy, hard looking man with a rolled up newspaper under his arm, is looking
up at the "ARRIVALS" board and checking his watch. This is RONNIE STUBBS
(62), father of the late Charlie. He's so engrossed in the board that he doesn't
see a man and a woman coming up behind him. These are BONNIE BAKER
(25), Charlie' s half sister, and his younger brother RICK STUBBS (31). Both
are attractive, well turned out and self-assured. Although, of course, they may
guess the audience don't get to know the real identities of the trio for sure until
sometime in the future; the inhabitants of Corontation Street, later than that.
RICK
Yo, you old goat!
BONNIE
Papsy!
Ronnie turns round
RONNIE
You've seen it then? She's out!
He shakes the newspaper at them
RICK
We've seen it alright......
BONNIE
The question is, what're we gonna do about it?
RONNIE
I've got a cab waiting outside.........
ENDS
